conflicted

So apparently we're going on holiday in a few days' time. I should probably be more excited, considering the amount of complaining I've been doing about how empty it is and blah-de-blah, but I'm really, really not. Maybe if I was going with a slightly different set of people I would be looking forward to it, but since that's not in my control, blah. *shrug*

Because this holiday is probably going to be just like all the others. We're all going to get yelled at during random points in the coming days, possibly in public, and be in horrible moods for at least half the time, and come back home having not enjoyed ourselves AT ALL. The only thing I'm thankful for is that we don't have a video camera to take with us this time. I know that might seem like nothing, but it makes a HUGE difference. Not enough to make me want to go, however.

I brought that up to end it with something like, "So I won't be posting for a while", but then it's not like I post everyday anyway.

Moving on to a lighter(?) topic, Bakr-Eid was at our place this year. Yay. We seemed to have invited most of Brunei, and even though I felt I didn't do as much work as I have on Eids past, I was so knackered by the end of it, that I passed out at 8.30 pm, with a serious bout of flu to boot. Needless to say, waking up was not a pleasant experience either. But I digress. I mention Eid because I feel the need to reflect on the fact that, if nothing else, these big parties are just a breeding ground for gossip, the most 'fertile' yet, because the stuff that gets out here stays on in people's households for years and years to come - and this one, of course, was no different. Sigh. Some people never change.

I suppose I should appreciate the fact that at least the people I live with don't use this newfound information to their advantage. I can't say the same for the rest of them, though. But the one thing they all do is damage themselves. They hear of all these... unpleasant things about these otherwise pleasant people, and their heads just get bigger and bigger the more they think about it. Because they, of course, are perfect human beings (which is an oxymoron in itself) who would not be so foolish as to let such things happen. Oh no, they're too good for that. They just have the self-given right to look down upon everyone else, and scoff at them when they're not looking, and feel all good about their severely damaged selves. I've accepted that there really is no way to make them see that, which is why I've resorted to just hating them for it and tuning out when one of their b*tch sessions start.

What's the point, though, really? I mean it's easy enough to go around saying you're better at something and consequently thinking that makes you a better person, but doesn't that nullify it? I mean, shouldn't humility be at the core of everything you do? If it's not then doesn't that mean you're just going backwards? Doesn't that make you some sort of hypocrite?

One of the PM's on my MSN list goes something like:

Never lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like the ocean. If a few drops of the ocean become dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

Or something to that effect.

I can't help but laugh at the optimism.