Is it winter already?

I hate the feeling of losing someone. I know that being alone with my thoughts usually leads me down this path, but I can't really help it. The worst part is that I know it's also partly my fault, if not entirely.

There have been occasions where letting go of people I was close to has been necessary, but those are few and far between. There have also been times when I have distanced myself from people purely to safeguard myself - usually these come without regret. And then there are those times where I try so hard to hold on to someone, that I end up just pushing them away. That's the one I can't handle.

I mean, I've always known it to be true that the harder you try to keep someone/something around, the faster it's going to slip out of your grasp. Slowly but surely, you eventually end up losing it. But honestly, where is the logic in that? When something means so much to you that you're willing to do just about anything it takes to keep it close, shouldn't that ensure that you succeed? It certainly applies to everything from your ambitions to your pets, so why is it the complete opposite with people? Are we so flawed, so blind, as to reject the people that want us, and chase (usually in vain) after the people who couldn't care less? When did we develop this completely illogical trait? And knowing it hurts so many people, including ourselves, why can't we find it in ourselves to change?

Perhaps it's because there's nothing to go back to. Maybe this is the way human beings have always been. Maybe the world we've grown up in has taught us that nothing good can come that easy, and that it can only be a worthwhile cause if we suffer for it.

If there's one thing I know, it's that people are very good at psycho-analysing pain. What causes it, why we cause it, how to prevent ourselves from becoming victims to it, and how to get rid of it. I've no doubts that all it would take is a click of a button to get all the answers to all of our questions.

Be that as it may, it doesn't make things any easier to go through. And as far as I know, there's really no one who can truly help ease the pain of it all - except of course, the person causing it.

Catch 22, anyone?